Funny Stories.
 

Brothers,

I don't want to ruin anyone's festive season, but I couldn't hold back from posting the following tale of some horrible injustices visited on a couple of dear colleagues and fellow Iron Warrior Brothers of mine.

Nobby was sentenced to community service, stemming from a violent altercation at the gym.

His 'community service' was none other than a stint as Santa Claus at a local shopping mall. Marvin, a mentally retarded lad from the gym, and I went along to lend him moral support, and the following events transpired.

The three of us arrived at the mall, Nobby and I both a tad intoxicated, and the shopping mall manager suited Nobby out. "HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING??!!" the scrawny mall manager snapped at Nobby as he helped him put on the Santa coat. Nobby seized the fellow by the tie and pulled him up in the air and an inch from his nose. "FOOKIN ROIGHT!!" he snarled, then threw the little worm into the wall, knocking him unconscious!
Nobby's massive, tree trunk thighs and telephone pole arms barely fit into the spacious outfit.


Nobby lumbered out to Santa's chair, and I stood within earshot, and in between sips from my flask of whiskey I listened in on Nobby's touchingly warm and gentle manner with children. A lad of about 7 climbed up on 'Santa's' lap, and Nobby snarled "Wot the fook yew wontin this year, pal?".
"Well, Santa, me friends beat up on me, and I could use something to defend myself with...maybe a book on karate.." the young boy whimpered. Nobby reached into his pocket, and produced his bike chain. "'Ere, son. Give em a few fookin belts across the face with this. URT THE BAHSTAHDS!" Nobby said in a warm, fatherly tone. The young lad, filled with joy, seized the bike chain, jumped off of Santa's lap, and ran up to another youngster and began beating him down with the chain, screaming "Who's bullyin who now, ****in arsehole!". I grew misty eyed, as the joy of Christmas was so touchingly spread by Nobby's special way with children.

The next youngster was a little girl of perhaps 4. She looked terrified, and Nobby hit a double-biceps pose in her face, the seams of the sleeves bursting open under the pressure from his cannonball biceps. "Mama, Santa's a monster!" the little girl screamed, and ran off crying. Santa's merry 'Ho Ho Ho' echoed through the mall, and I joined him in thunderous laughter. The girl's mother looked most displeased.
The next lad, about 6, hopped up on Santa's lap. "Santa, I want
a toy gun...but my parents are making me want a ballet outfit" he snivelled. "Wot the fook?!" Santa gasped. "A fookin real gun is what you need, laddie" . "NO HE WANTS A BALLET OUTFIT!" a bitchy voice screeched. Two 'wimmin', obviously 'partners', angrily approached Santa. "He is our son...yes, WE adopted him...and we won't have him becoming a violent male pig...he WILL enroll in ballet" the manly-looking lesbian snarled. Nobby calmly put the boy aside, then exploded in rage. With a mighty roar of "FOOKIN POOFTTAAHHS!!!" he sprang from his chair and, both arms outstretched, dealt a devastating double-clothesline to the two abberations of nature, sending their fat, pants-and-sweatshirt forms flying through the air and into the shopping mall fountain.

I turned to Marvin, our down-syndrome afflicted, 2-inch-thick-lensed glasses wearing, fellow Iron Warrior.
Pointing at the calamity ensuing between Nobby, the lesbians, and the little girl's mother, I pointed out "Will you look at the way those horrible people are treating Nobby? MARVIN, ARE YOU JUST GOING TO BLOODY WELL STAND THERE AND LET SANTA BE ABUSED?!" I screamed in his ear. Marvin began trembling in rage, then charged forth in one of his celebrated, Japanese 'banzai' charges and, seizing a plastic Christmas tree, began attacking the growing crowd of angry parents that surrounded Nobby. He charged into them, bashing heads with the tree until it broke apart, then began clotheslining, kicking, and biting his way through the crowd. Nobby and I headed off, as a crowd of security guards arrived on the scene, and after emptying a few cans of mace into Marvin's face, pummelled him into a pulp with their clubs.
Nobby and I ducked into the liquor store, and on leaving Nobby seized one of our whiskey bottles and hurled it towards the crowd of security guards, screaming "FOOKIN BASTAHHHDS!!". The bottle sailed through the air and, as cruel fate would have it, hit Marvin smack on the head, shattering into a million pieces! We made it out of the mall as the crowd fled, screaming, and roared out the parking garage in the Rolls Royce, like a bat out of Hell!
Nobby has since been fired by the mall management.

KAMIKAZE Japanese guy at my gym!
 

Brothers,

A truly new and amazing method of cycling and training has been exposed to me recently...and I have to share this with all my Iron Warrior Brothers. George Spellwin is at this moment, no doubt, capitalizing on this- so before you pay him $99.99 for this info, allow me to 'let you in' on these secret oriental cycling methods.

It was all revealed to me a few weeks ago. While training in the gym, with my stalwart training partner and chauffeur, Nobby, we were watching a scrawny little bucktoothed, coke-bottle glasses wearing Japanese man doing squats with 135 pounds, screaming with every rep. He saw us watching (and laughing at) him, and the little yellow fiend came waddling up to us and began his pidgin-English tirade...Nobby and I were about to tear him limb from limb, but decided he was too amusing to begin beating right away.
"You Eengweesh...beeg men, but too beeg. You do not know how to twain and take stewoid...I am Sabuwo. I am samuwai bodybuiwder..." he babbled, then raised his 10 inch arms in a double-biceps pose to show us what real development meant. "Two tousand miwwigrams of test ebery day..." he sneered, pointing to his 'ripped' 130 pound body.
"You stoopid. You do not twain wight!" he snarled.

"Well then, my samurai friend..Saburo it is? Show us westerners how it is done then, brother!" I roared
He reached into his training bag, and took out a headband with the Rising Sun on it. He carefully tied it around his head. Then he reached back in, and pulled out two fully-loaded 10cc syringes. He held one in each hand, closed his eyes and began muttering, like some insane buddhist monk, and then slammed both syringes into his chicken legs and injected, screaming the whole time.
I was stunned. Now THAT was bloody hard-core, mates!
While he was in this intense state of mind, Nobby crept over to the squat rack, where the Jap fellow had left the bar, loaded with 1 plate per side, ready for his next set. While Saburo was meditating, psyching himself up for his 135 pound set of squats, Nobby quietly added 4 more plates to each side, snickering under his breath as he did so.
Saburo was standing there, eyes closed, saying some bizarre Japanese prayer, then suddenly opened his eyes and, screaming 'BANZAI!!!" ran at full speed over to the squat rack, unracked the bar- without realizing it now weighed 495, and with a loud snapping noise collapsed under the weight, and crumpled to the floor, along with the bar, with an apocalyptic earth-shattering crash!

His body lay, snapped like a twig, legs sprawled in unnatural positions, and his low moaning indicated he was still alive. Nobby and I began roaring with laughter- "That's for Hong Kong back in 41, you Jap bastard!!" I screamed, kicking his limp form. Nobby pulled his bike chain out and began beating Saburo, screaming "FOOKIN BASTAAHHD!" with each mighty wallop. We left him, barely clinging to life, smothered on the floor beneath the bar.
We took his gymbag, which was full of gear- tasty Japanese anabolic treats like primo, test, etc, and headed out the gym, laughing so loud that it echoed across the universe.

Anyway, any of you bros tried such insane injecting procedures? Or two thousand mg's a day? Good Lord!!

Note: I didnt write them, I jsut copied and pasted them from another forum.

oOo:

edit is your friend

[quote="Jimbo@":d593f]Note: I didnt write them, I jsut copied and pasted them from another forum.[/quote:d593f]

So then link to them. wtf.

[quote=Blase]So then link to them. wtf.[/quote:bc5fe]

cause they're in different threads. So I cant jsut link all of them.

[quote="Jimbo@":4e21e][quote=Blase]So then link to them. wtf.[/quote:4e21e]

cause they're in different threads. So I cant jsut link all of them.[/quote:4e21e]

You can actually.

[quote=Blase][quote="Jimbo@":fdbd2]cause they're in different threads. So I cant jsut link all of them.[/quote:fdbd2]

You can actually.[/quote:fdbd2]

Whats the point, you're not reading them at all.

[quote="Jimbo@":4e3d7][quote=Blase][quote="Jimbo@":4e3d7]cause they're in different threads. So I cant jsut link all of them.[/quote:4e3d7]

You can actually.[/quote:4e3d7]

Whats the point, you're not reading them at all.[/quote:4e3d7]

Truth be told I'm illiterate.

[img]http://www.kadmed.com/postcards/images/poo.gif[/img]

I was gonna post more but meh.

OMFG I KNOW THAT ROBOT..Its from a science website our teacher would make us watch during class..holy hell

[quote="Jimbo@":f3e8d]I was gonna post more but meh.[/quote:f3e8d]

Thank you.

cuss:

[quote="Jimbo@":8fc4f]I was gonna post more but meh.[/quote:8fc4f]

Thank you dont...know one is gonna read that many words FFS. Now just go die and we will be set kthx

Merry Christmas