Official JOKES THREAD!
 

A guy gets home late one night and his wife says, Where the hell have
you been?

I was out getting a tattoo.

A tattoo? What kind of tattoo did you get?

I got a hundred dollar bill on my penis.

What the hell were you thinking? Why did you get a hundred dollar bill
on your penis?

Well, one, I like to watch my money grow.

Two, once in a while, Ilike to play with my money.

Three, I like how money feels in my hand .

And lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here
at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want!!!

biggrin:

rock:

Best joke ive heard in a while

This place needs an "Official Jokes Thread".

LOLz

Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella? Fo' Drizzle

[quote="Sergeant_Scrotum":e74cf]Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella? Fo' Drizzle[/quote:e74cf]
annoy:

I found this elsewhere.....




A teenage girl asked her dad if she could use the car.

He said, "you know daddy's rule, if you wanna use the car you have to suck daddy's dick."

She said, "but daddy I only want it for an hour."

He said, "now rules are rules, if you wanna use it you have to do your part."

She submitted and began to give him head.

She said, "Ewwweee daddy! This tastes like shit. Literally, your dick tastes like shit!"

He said, "Oh! That's right, your brother has the car."



eek:

annoy:

oOo: eek:

there now the name is official jokes thread

sticky sticky whos got the sticky

Why'd the koala fall out of the tree? [It was dead]
Why'd the baby fall out of the tree? [It was stapled to the koala]

first joke > all

ban c0ke, it aint no j0ke.

Whats worse than 3 dead babies stapled to a tree? [A dead baby stapled to 3 trees.]
How do you get a baby out of a blender? [With a straw.]
Whats easier to get out of the back of a truck, babies or bowling balls? [Babies; you can use a pitchfork.]

What's worst than a pile of dead babies? A live one on the bottom eating its' way up.

What's the difference between a Porsche and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a Porsche in my garage.

Dead baby jokes are so lame. sleeping:

Arabs in Star Trek
The Saudi Ambassador to the UN has just finished giving a speech, and walks out into the lobby where he meets President Bush. They shake hands and as they walk the Saudi says, "You know, I have just one question about what I have seen in America." President Bush says, "Well, your Excellency, anything I can do to help you, I will do." The Saudi whispers "My young son watches (and loves) this show Star Trek and in it there are Russians, and Blacks, and Asians, but never any Arabs. He is very upset. He doesn't understand why there are never any Arabs in Star Trek."

President Bush sorta chuckled and leaning toward the Saudi, whispers back, "It's because it takes place in the future...."

Posted by Simo at vc.net

[img]http://homepage.ntlworld.com/gerald.marley/fg/scale2.jpg[/img]

Wasn't my joke.

Why don't jewish people eat pussy?

Its too close to the gas chamber eek:

hahahahahah jesus

happy:

MOm and dad are straight fuckin hardcore style in the living room one night when their little daughter comes in

"what are you two doing" she asks
thinking quick the dad says "Mommy and I are baking cakes"
the child shrugs and heads off to bed

a week later the daughter says to the dad..."daddy I know you and Mommy were baking cakes again in the living room"

puzzled the dad says "how do you know?"

"Because I licked the frosting off the couch after you left"



a daughter and father are driving down the road one day behind a severly pissed off wife who just chopped off her husbands penis.

the wife throws the penis out the window and it smacks right into the windshield of the fathers car.

horrified the dad quickly flicks on the windshield wipers and flicks the severed cock off.

what was that asks the daughter

thinking quickly the dad replies "oh thats just an african fly that hit the windshield hunny"

the daughter replies "O well did you see the DICK on that fly?"

a boss has to pick between laying off one of two employess, either Karen or Jack..
so not knowing what to do he decides to ask them, he sees Karen first and says : i either have to lay you or Jack off...

This thread answers the question " why dont we have an official joke thread."

oOo:

knock knock

who's there?

penis

penis who

Call me nuts, but I actually thought that was pretty good

Rape at knifepoint is hot...I don't care what anyone says.

[quote="Garry Coleman":cc1fe]Call me nuts, but I actually thought that was pretty good[/quote:cc1fe]

I found it funny aswell to be honest, Gerard is just emo

I concur.

Edit: Double post

...no sweat...it was better than the first one... eek:

What has 9 arms and sucks?

Def Leppard

what gets smaller as it moves forward

a leper in a windtunnel