LOL!
 

I never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much. And I never figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women think with their heart. I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do."

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT!!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realising that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all! She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you, she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, lets go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurt out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, “WHAT??!!!"

I then said "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I won't be having sex again until sometime after pigs flyover a frozen hell while monkeys fly out her bum.

biggrin:

haha, good shit man beer:

She is a Trophy Wife, you rich bastard

HAHAHA Amaizing!!!, simply perfect!!

i actually took the time to read that, and my god i love you. that is hilarious.

ha. ed: watch your back for the next month or 2. im surprised she didnt bitch slap you on the spot.

funny

good one...

[quote="Infernal_":e70b0]HAHAHA Amaizing!!!, simply perfect!![/quote:e70b0]

When I stopped stalking you Soli, you didn't have a wife! did you find someone finally! PS pot pics of your sis biggrin:

amazing story

Holy fuck that's fucking hilarious. You are the person I wish to be when I get older.

haha - nice one.

Definatly saving that to a text file for later referance and laughs.

ROFL... Amazing.... truely amzaing.

That's a classic! gg

happy:

lol very nice,

p.s pics of the wife please biggrin:

Most people in this thread = stupid:

omfg thats priceless!

pretty damn good

happy:

This needs to happen more often in real life.

GG blueballs

roffles.

Agreed

ha. Good one. If "Material Girl" was playing at the exact same time you told her that, it would have made the story even more funny. Just make sure you keep your credit cards in sight at all times. I guarantee when she told her friends that they were all pissed off at you. Im assuming women do that, i think i saw it on Sex and the City or some shit.

nice solidus very nice

Solidus you have got some balls, even though you wont be using them. biggrin:

hahahaha, im going to have to remember that one

haha thats classic

Too funny.

rock: sweet

It's amazing how many people actually think Sloi is the person featured in the story.....Morons.... oOo:

Regardless - Fucking brilliant story.

Was looking for someone else who knew this was a copy and pasted joke.

i thought that went without saying, then i noticed all these people thinking it was true... rofl...

[quote="Mr.Buttocks":c99bf]Most people in this thread = stupid:[/quote:c99bf]

eek:

[quote="Mr.Buttocks":b0059][quote="Mr.Buttocks":b0059]Most people in this thread = stupid:[/quote:b0059]

eek:[/quote:b0059]

beer:

I'm still mad at you, Solidus. Either you buy me something or I won't give you head. spank:

Damnit, shnoockumz... we already went through this: I will buy you the
things you wanted when you give me head! Thrice!