Mother Nature Swallows Duffy Whole
 

Since my life is just that important (and cool, to point), I'll update you guy's on the last hour of my life - just because.

So I was riding the bus home from Denver (COLFAX AVENUE!!!), after bringing my sister to the dentist and then getting a really late lunch over at Pete's Greek Cafe (not a Cafe- and I had Navy Bean soup, just so you know) (Oh, and its on Colfax) and we were walking home the whole two mile stretch, when all of a sudden god starts whacking it on us, and it started to dribble.

Three minutes later, it was pouring, and I was screaming the entire way, as my two little sisters (six and eight) wrapped themselves in towels we just used after going swimming in the morning. I was totally soaked, not one spot on me was left dry as we walked and walked home, and the five dollar bill in my pocket totally disenegrated into a mush.

The rain slowed us down, water was washing all over our feet, going up to our ankles, as we all lost our sandles atleast three times during that whole hour. My hair was soaked and covering my eyes, so I had to shake it out doggy-style a couple of times.

We finally made it to the park, where the swimming pool was, and I just went ballistic and ran all the way home, stretching my towel towards the sky so it flailed behind me, and I ran near the pool to say hi to Tiffany, my sixteen year old swim instructor (She's only two years older than I am, and she's totally hittable rock: ) who was taking cover under the bathroom door.

Then I came home, and lucky me, I forgot my keys, and my sisters were shivering and on the point of crying (dont ask me). So I ran into the back, and knocked the screen window out, having to pull myself up into the house to unlock the doors for them.


When the whole commotion was over, I took a hot shower, and wanked it the whole way through - just for you mother nature.

These truly are "Duffy's Wonder Years".

[quote="Doctor Duffy":25418]Do you really need to share with us every wonderful aspect of your action-packed life? It's not like we're a bunch of fat, rotting mules sitting and playing WoW while eating a bag of Dorritos...we have lives, too, huh?[/quote:25418]

You said it best yourself, STFU and -1

good story....love the wanking part at the end....

[quote="Scalping Chief":43020]Did you not make a post about how Coleman was a nerd because he posted something to do with his life.
Now you turn around and do the same thing.
-1 to you my good man.[/quote:43020]

His was about some AMAZING chocolate cake, what else would you expect me to think?

Re: Mother Nature Swallows Duffy Whole
 

[quote="Doctor Duffy":ae5a7]Since my life is just that important (and cool, to point), I'll update you guy's on the last hour of my life[/quote:ae5a7]

I actually thought this statement meant you was thinking of killing yourself.


wallbash: Damnit

Re: Mother Nature Swallows Duffy Whole
 

[quote="Doctor Duffy":7491a] the five dollar bill in my pocket totally disenegrated into a mush.

.[/quote:7491a]

congrats on carrying monopoly money around. Real money doesnt disengrate when its wet. hence why is survives washing machines and dryers you fuckin homo.

-1 for lying, maybe that will teach you.

That story has potential. Work on it. Cut out the fat.

oOo:

IM BEING SUED FOR PUTTING MONEY IN MY ANUS AND GIVING IT TO THE TACO BELL CASHIER

That story has potential. Work on it. Cut out the fat.

happy:

you should have wanked on your 16 y/o swimming instructor. Fancying your swimming instructor must suck ass, imagine wearing trunks when swimming & then getting a bon0r oOo:

Re: Mother Nature Swallows Duffy Whole
 

[quote="Doctor Duffy":0e038]stretch, when all of a sudden god starts whacking it on us, and it started to dribble.[/quote:0e038]

last time i checked, it was called "drizzle"...

Re: Mother Nature Swallows Duffy Whole
 

[quote="[DAS REICH] Blitz":c2a80][quote="Doctor Duffy":c2a80]stretch, when all of a sudden god starts whacking it on us, and it started to dribble.[/quote:c2a80]

last time i checked, it was called "drizzle"...[/quote:c2a80]

happy:

If he did that there would be no story left. I want my 20 seconds back.

[quote="Duffy's story with ultra hardcore don't give a shit modifications":a4487]Since my life is just that important (and cool, to point), I'll update you guy's on the last hour of my life - just because.

So I was riding the bus home from Denver where I'd just gone to yell at minorities and stab little kids. After smacking around my sister to the beat of rap music and then getting a really late lunch over at the hells angels kitchen (not a Cafe- I had feces fries and jizz to drink, just so you know) and we were walking home the whole two mile stretch, when all of a sudden god starts whacking it on us, so I turned around and flipped him the bird screaming satanic spells.

Three minutes later, it started raining blood, and I was screaming the entire way, as my two little sisters (six and eight) wrapped themselves in the entrails of the little kids I stabbed in Denver. I was totally soaked in the blood of the innocents, not one spot on me was left untouched as we paraded through the now streets of hell to home, and the goats heart in my pocket had totally turned to mush, which I drank with a straw.

The blood rain fueled our hatred rage, blood was washing all over our feet, going up to our ankles, as we all lost our skull stomping boots at least three times during that whole hour. My unholy locks of hair were soaked and blood covered my eyeballs, so I had to shake them out like a rat several times.

We finally made it to the park, where the swimming pool was, and I just went ballistic and ripped the heads off of the people enjoying their bloody showers, stretching my cape of hatred towards the sky so it flailed behind me, and I ran near the pool to rape my sixteen year old swim instructor Tiffany (She's only two years older than I am, and she's totally couldn't resist my awesome power ).

Then I came home, and lucky me, I forgot my keys. My sisters were shivering and on the point of crying (so I smacked some fucking bravery into their skulls with a mace). So I ran into the back, and knocked the screen window out with my head, having to launch myself up into the house to unlock the doors for their bloody corpses


When the whole day was over, I took a hot shower, and raped chickens taunting mother nature the whole time.[/quote:a4487]

Satan possessed me for like, 2 minutes.

That's really.. Great.

That fucking sucked, die.

Re: Mother Nature Swallows Duffy Whole
 

[quote="Doctor Duffy":030f6] and I just went ballistic and ran all the way home, stretching my towel towards the sky so
it flailed behind me, and I ran near the pool to say hi to Tiffany, my sixteen year old swim instructor .[/quote:030f6]
..what a post....all that talk of rain and shower wanking has got me soaking wet I can tell you!...+1

Great story, compelling and rich... I'm Ron Burgandy?

LOUD NOISES!!!!

Christ, you guy's can complain about anything. And why would I lie about this? I mean, if I lied, I would have atleast added outrageous sex, explosive explosions, and me rescuing a baby that was inches from disaster. Who out there lies about walking home in the rain?

[quote="Fluffy_Bunny":b1db7]you should have wanked on your 16 y/o swimming instructor. Fancying your swimming instructor must suck ass, imagine wearing trunks when swimming & then getting a bon0r oOo:[/quote:b1db7]

I do. Not to get too in depth here (get it? IN...DEPTH? SWIMMING? WATER? DEPTH?? AHAHAHAHAAA rock: rock: rock: ) but if anyone has noticed (maybe its just me), after getting naked to dress into you're regular clothes, check out you're anus. The muscle turns grey, and it shrivels up. I dont know whether its all the water, chlorine or what, but it's atleast 100% boner proof...until you get out of the water.

I try not to look at her much, but the closest my willy went wet (Before I go on, these whole swimming lessons Im taking is with a bunch of nine year olds, and Im the tallest and oldest kid there, so its awkward as hell...I never learned how to swim when I was young, but Im going to start surfing down in Mexico, so I decided it'd be a good idea to learn how to swim) was when we were doing some wierd technique (think its called the Egg Beater) with the legs, and we were all lying on the hot concrete, practicing before we went in, and I wasnt getting it down, and she laid right beside me, and started spreading her legs around. I couldnt fucking believe it was happening to me...still cant.

I love you, Eight Ace.

lol the truth hurts.

Hey duffy your story has as much substance as a dinner composed of shake and bake, and left over microwaved meatloaf.

[quote="Doctor Duffy":19d44]Christ, you guy's can complain about anything. And why would I lie about this? I mean, if I lied, I would have atleast added outrageous sex, explosive explosions, and me rescuing a baby that was inches from disaster. Who out there lies about walking home in the rain?

[quote="Fluffy_Bunny":19d44]you should have wanked on your 16 y/o swimming instructor. Fancying your swimming instructor must suck ass, imagine wearing trunks when swimming & then getting a bon0r oOo:[/quote:19d44]

I do. Not to get too in depth here (get it? IN...DEPTH? SWIMMING? WATER? DEPTH?? AHAHAHAHAAA rock: rock: rock: ) but if anyone has noticed (maybe its just me), after getting naked to dress into you're regular clothes, check out you're anus. The muscle turns grey, and it shrivels up. I dont know whether its all the water, chlorine or what, but it's atleast 100% boner proof...until you get out of the water.

I try not to look at her much, but the closest my willy went wet (Before I go on, these whole swimming lessons Im taking is with a bunch of nine year olds, and Im the tallest and oldest kid there, so its awkward as hell...I never learned how to swim when I was young, but Im going to start surfing down in Mexico, so I decided it'd be a good idea to learn how to swim) was when we were doing some wierd technique (think its called the Egg Beater) with the legs, and we were all lying on the hot concrete, practicing before we went in, and I wasnt getting it down, and she laid right beside me, and started spreading her legs around. I couldnt fucking believe it was happening to me...still cant.

I love you, Eight Ace.[/quote:19d44]
Sorry, i dont usually look at my anus after swimming

[quote="Doctor Duffy":2b49a] but if anyone has noticed (maybe its just me), after getting naked to dress into you're regular clothes, check out you're anus.[/quote:2b49a]

erm, just on that....how do you manage to see your own anus...like, I''m
aware that you're a doctor and everything, but do you use a mirror or what..?

oh, and btw

"Not to get too in depth here (get it? IN...DEPTH? SWIMMING? WATER? DEPTH?? AHAHAHAHAAA)"

that quip was absolutely first class +5

stupid: hake: annoy: oOo: eek: rolleyes: plzdie: = my feelings towards this thread

At a quick glance at the title before clicking, I thought this thread was about Duffy getting deepthroated by his/someone's mom.

I was severly disappointed at first... But the shiveled anus thing makes up for it.

I was thinking he fell into a major crevasse or the San Andreas fault.

happy:

..gg for stating the fucking obvoius....Duffy makes the likes of Steinbeck or
Shakespeare look like complete shit in the story-telling department....fo sho.

lol

He should add a lesbian sex scene involving his sisters and the swimming instructor. That would improve the plot.




[quote="Doctor Duffy":91f60]

I do. Not to get too in depth here (get it? IN...DEPTH? SWIMMING? WATER? DEPTH?? AHAHAHAHAAA rock: rock: rock: ) but if anyone has noticed (maybe its just me), after getting naked to dress into you're regular clothes, check out you're anus. The muscle turns grey, and it shrivels up. I dont know whether its all the water, chlorine or what, but it's atleast 100% boner proof...until you get out of the water.

I try not to look at her much, but the closest my willy went wet (Before I go on, these whole swimming lessons Im taking is with a bunch of nine year olds, and Im the tallest and oldest kid there, so its awkward as hell...I never learned how to swim when I was young, but Im going to start surfing down in Mexico, so I decided it'd be a good idea to learn how to swim) was when we were doing some wierd technique (think its called the Egg Beater) with the legs, and we were all lying on the hot concrete, practicing before we went in, and I wasnt getting it down, and she laid right beside me, and started spreading her legs around. I couldnt fucking believe it was happening to me...still cant.
[/quote:91f60]


I hope you drown during your next lesson.

i'm very dissapointed, i saw no references to the great gangster 50 cent, HOLLA

get used to it m8, sadly a large proportion of threads here
make little or no reference to tha most excellent Fiddy... loney:

glad you "worked it out" so to say in the end.. oOo: happy: happy:

wtf why is this thread back