Uwe Boll sentance
 

Ok so this one is for Miyagi lol, i got the idea from another message board. We all hate Uwe Boll for his horrible movies, so in this thread you will make a statement like this:

Uwe Boll if you ever touch (add video game here) I will (add punishment)

Got it, good lets start the fun:

Uwe Boll, if you ever touch Half-Life, I will make you watch your own movies for one year straight, than crucify you upside down. spank:

Uwe Boll if you ever touch Quake 4 I will suck yo dick nigga.

rofl wtf

Uwe Boll if you ever, EVER try to make MOHAA, I will seriously be very very mad and write you angry letters with pictures of me with furrowed brows, showing just how mad I am. Oh and ill include Swill's picture.

ROFL!

Uwe Boll, if you ever touch Dungeon Keeper I will personally bite your legs off and pour salt and vinegar into the wounds, then as you cry in germanic pain I'll toss you onto a spikey rack where all of GF1's members can piss on you....until we finally throw you into a pit of boiling hot larva to finish you off, you parasite!

[img]http://freespace.virgin.net/john.bywaters/dk/horny.jpg[/img]

*takes deep breathes*

[quote="mr.miyagi":0c118]Uwe Boll, if you ever touch Dungeon Keeper I will personally bite your legs off and pour salt and vinegar into the wounds, then as you cry in germanic pain I'll toss you onto a spikey rack where all of GF1's members can piss on you....until we finally throw you into a pit of boiling hot larva to finish you off, you parasite!

[img]http://freespace.virgin.net/john.bywaters/dk/horny.jpg[/img]

*takes deep breathes*[/quote:0c118]

+1 i knew you would like this thread lol

Uwe Boll, if you ever touch Splinter Cell, I will skin you alive and throw you into a pool of salt.

Uwe Boll, if you ever touch Hidden & Dangerous 2, I will skull-fuck you whilst wearing an armor piercing penis extension.

Uwe Boll, if you ever touch Zelda, I will put you in an eternal IM conversation with Ned. With video feeds of him, and his voice looped in a speaker system.

Uwe Boll, if you ever touch Splinter Cell, I will give you +1's and GFD's until time's end...because nothing could suck more than that piece of shit game.

Uwe Boll, if you ever touch MGS, I will glue a bucket full of rats onto your tummy, tie you up on a bench and put burning charcoal on the bucket.

i never played the ones you played but believe me, chaos theory is fucking amazing. graphics are amazing, and gameplay is amazing.

Oh god if he ever TOUCHES MGS I WILL SERIOUSLY DO THINGS MORE GRUESOME THAN SAW, SAW2, AND HOSTEL CAN SUM UP!

Uwe Boll if you ever touch Half Life, I will unhinge your jaw and rape your mouth until you have died from suffication/cum poisoning.

Uwe Boll if you ever touch Goldeneye 64 I will personally dominate you in slappers-only flagtag.

Uwe Boll if you ever touch Tetris I will rotate you twice clock-wise, move you two spaces to the right and force you down into my crack that needs filling.

lol biggrin: ..eat brain-teasing death-sex, Uwe Boll.

Uwe Boll, if you ever touch my penis, i'll slap you to death with it !

LOL I bet that vidgame is popular with the ladies.

+1

Uwe Boll, if you ever touch Counter Strike, I'll reassmble your bone structure into a phallic shape, and put you in the central square of a lesbian nudist colony.

[quote="[DAS REICH] Blitz":c03f2][/quote:c03f2]
ahh, of course biggrin:

Uwe Boll if you ever touch John Deere American Farmer, I will tie you to a fence and allow various large farm animals(ie horses and cows) have sex with your anal canal and coat you in their 2 gallon spunk shot.

This is a punishment?

uwe boll i hope you make a half life movie to make these pussies cry.

If you think about it, a half life movie woulf really blow anyway. Id be moreinterested in a movie about the 7 hour war

Uwe Boll if you ever touch Red Alert, I will sugically remove your biceps using rusty salad tongs, clean the wound with battery acid, and replace the ripped out muscles with slabs of salted cured beef.

OOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPPPSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
 

HAHAHAAAAA CHECK THIS GUYS biggrin: biggrin:


A projectionist from UltraStar Cinemas has revealed to Shacknews a rather huge error made with the distribution of Uwe Boll's latest cinematic endeavor, the BloodRayne adaptation featuring such well-regarded thespians as Ben Kingsley and Michael Madsen. The UltraStar employee explained that when he got into work last week, he noticed that the theater had received a copy of BloodRayne. This seemed odd because his particular theater generally shows films aimed more at the arthouse set. "I didn't want to build this and put it in my theater," he said, so he checked up with UltraStar higher-ups. It turns out that a computer error resulted in the print being sent to 5,500 more theaters nationwide than was intended. "The computer that placed the order, instead of selecting just the correct theatres, it also selected 5,500 additional theaters, so they made that many extra copies." Whoops.

I asked how much each print costs, and he said that in total, it costs about $5,000 to have each set of reels delivered to a theater, meaning that as a very rough estimate the total costs incurred may be upwards of $27 million. "And that's 27 million that didn't go into production, didn't go into marketing, it's just expenditure that's sitting there," he said. "I mean, I know Ben Kingsley was in Ghandi, but nobody gets to just throw away that much money for nothing."

The situation is exacerbated by the fact that, according to Variety, the film is only showing on 985 screens, just over half of the original target of 1,900--and that's separate from the thousands of accidental extra copies. Now, the film is already millions in the hole and it earned only $1.2 million during its opening weekend, failing to place it in the top ten. Uwe Boll has had a lot of second chances, but might this spell the beginning of the end for the self-described misunderstood director?

the_finger: the_finger: the_finger: the_finger: the_finger: the_finger:

BWHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA

heh this is another interview of him http://www.1up.com/do/newsStory?cId=3146777

Talking about Bloodrayne, what a fucking idiot:

1UP: Did Majesco approach you about the project first, or did you play the game and suddenly have a "Eureka!" moment? How's it been working with Majesco vs. Sega and Atari?

Uwe Boll: i saw the game and i liked it

1UP: You have also said BloodRayne is the only videogame film you'd want to develop a sequel for. What's so special about the Bloodrayne universe?

UB: i like her character and working with kristanna

1UP: Why are you forgoing critic screenings for BloodRayne?

UB: we have a premiere where the press can come. piracy is also a problem

1UP: What stood out about the casting of Kristanna Loken? In the latest issue of FHM (an American men's magazine), she's quoted on the cover as saying "I love being naked." C'mon, tell us, that must be it.

UB: yes. and she is in the movie naked

1UP: Several times you've mentioned Loken's sexiness as one of her defining traits. Do you consider sexuality an important part of your films?

UB: yes - because VAMPIRES movies are sexy


1UP: In another interview, you mentioned sometimes surviving on apples and chocolate on set. What made shooting BloodRayne so difficult?

UB: bad crews, bad food - great landscapes

1UP: Rayne is a violence-prone product of rape. How did you help Loken identify with that kind of character?

UB: i didnt helped her - i throwed [sic] her in her first scene in a situation where a guy wants to rape

1UP: Though BloodRayne hasn't officially screened for critics, there have been some select showings, one of which prompted a sharply negative review by Ain't It Cool News, a site you previously told 1UP you read. Is that the response you were expecting?

UB: no. HARRY and Quint are retards

1UP: How was Ben Kinglsey on the set? Rumor has it he's always wanted to play a vampire.

UB: super diciplined [sic]. this is true

1UP: It's understandable Meatloaf had fun working with the prostitutes during filming, but how did you even come up with the idea of casting Meatloaf? How did you track him down?

UB: he has LOKENS manager

1UP: Can you talk about how you're splitting up In the Name of the King: Dungeon Siege? Will they act as separate stories ala Lord of the Rings, or more akin to Kill Bill, where you're left hanging?

UB: it will be one 2.30 hours theartrical [sic] movie and a 3 hour DVD version

1UP: You've mentioned in other interviews that your next projects are already financed, but how will the recent change in German tax law affect later projects?

UB: we will see

1UP: Sum up what we should expect from Postal in one sentence.

UB: the biggest desaster [sic] on earth - but not for me - for AMERICA

^^^^ oOo: oOo: oOo: oOo: oOo:

lol, i love how he has to rely on nudity to get people to see his movie.

Uwe Boll, if you ever touch Deux Ex I shall unleash the Muslims.

Hopefully that law stops him from making movies.

PS rofl at bad crews comment. wtf rofl bad director.

meh..he should have quit after LOTR imo... annoy:

[quote="Eight Ace":b1503]meh..he should have quit after LOTR imo... annoy:[/quote:b1503]
eek: