Kevin Smith = Pure Pwnage
 

http://www.thesuperficial.com/2006/07/1 ... f_the.html

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Dick in a Mustache
[img]http://www.wchstv.com/abc/gma/joelsiegel2.jpg[/img]

Kevin Smith lashed out at Joel Siegel after the movie critic stormed out of a screening of Clerks II during a scene where the characters are discussing hiring woman to perform sexual favors on a donkey. Siegel got out of his seat and yelled: "Time to go! First movie I've walked out of in 30 [bleeping] years!" In response, Kevin Smith wrote on his MySpace:

"

A Dick in a Mustache is Still Just a Dick

So last night, at a press screening of "Clerks II" in New York City, "Good Morning America" movie critic Joel Siegel decided he'd had enough of my shenanigans, and walked out of the flick at the forty minute mark. You'd imagine this would bother me, and yet, I'm as delighted by this news as I was with the eight minute standing ovation "Clerks II" received in Cannes.

I mean, it's Joel Siegel, for Christ's sake. As Paul Thomas Anderson once said of the man, getting a bad review from Siegel is like a badge of honor. This is the guy who stole his mustachioed critic shtick from Gene Shalit years ago, and still refuses to give it back. This is a guy who seemingly prides himself on being "punny" - that is, he likes to add his own nyuk-nyuk wordplay into the reviews he writes/gives.

For "Pirates 2", he made us all titter with "Yo, Ho, Ho and a Bottle of Fun".

For Pixar's lastest, he made us squeal with delight when he wrote "Wheelie Good Time for 'Cars'".

Can you believe he somehow not only made us laugh, but also think, when he challenged our perception with "X-Men' Fails to X-cite"?

I mean, Fozzy fucking Bear laughs at this guy (AT, mind you, not WITH).

So while I feel like my life will be a little bleaker now that I'll never know what pun Joel would've dug deeply into his comedic well to produce for "Clerks II" ("'Clerks II?' More like 'Jerks, Too'!"), I've gotta admit that I'm relieved somebody was finally offended by the flick - enough to head for the exit less than an hour in. I was beginning to think I was losing my touch.

I can't fault Mr. Siegel for feeling "revolted" (his producer's description of Joel's reaction) by our flick; in truth, there is a donkey show in it, and I recognize that brand of whimsy might not be for everybody. Film appreciation is very subjective, and maybe Joel just isn't into ass-to-mouth conversations.

However, I CAN fault him for the manner in which he left the screening.

Apparently, rather than quietly exit, both Joel and his Cum-Catcher (my slang for the fancy kind of mustache he sports) made a big stink about walking out, calling as much attention to himself as possible, and being generally pretty disruptive.

Check this shit out: roughly forty minutes into the flick, when Randal orders up the third act donkey show, Siegel bellowed to his fellow critics "Time to go!'' and "This is the first movie I've walked out of in 30 fucking years!''

Now, I don't need Joel Siegel to suck my dick the way he apparently sucks M. Night's, gushing over his flick before he's even seen it; but shit, man - how about a little common fucking courtesy?
Never mind the fact that when you're paid to watch movies for a living and the only tasks required of you are to a) sit through said movies and b) write your thoughts about them before your deadline, walking out before a movie's over is pretty unprofessional. Never mind the fact that the scene he was offended by (the ordering of the donkey show), with its (misleading) crude references is only the set-up to a third act pay-off that is a true bait-and-switch from where Joel's imagination went (and if you've already seen the flick, you KNOW what I'm talking about). Never mind that this dude is so straight-laced in his tastes and hyperbolic in his praise that when The Onion took a poke at Joel, I was almost unsure whether it was a joke or not...

You never... NEVER disrupt a movie, simply because you don't like it.

Cardinal rule of movie-going: shut your fucking mouth while the movie's playing. They even ask you to do so in the pre-show run-up to every flick ("Cell phones and pagers off, no talking during the show"). This guy went beyond talking, even; he was making a spectacle of himself as he left. I've now spoken to three folks in attendance last night, and all have said that Siegel WANTED everyone to know how disgusted he was, and that he was leaving. If you want to share your displeasure with everyone, that's fine, dude; just do it AFTER the movie, not during. Some folks were enjoying themselves. I don't come down to your job and slap the taste out of your mouth for coming up with a line like "'Shark Tale' Is a Halibut Good Time"; so don't fuck with my stuff WHILE IT'S STILL SCREENING.

Shit, Joel, I know you like being on camera and all, but was it so difficult to not be the center of attention for 40 minutes that you just had to sparkle, Neely, sparkle-it up for your peers instead of showing them a little goddamn courtesy by leaving the theater the way most people do, either during or after the picture: quietly? What are you, a twelve year old boy, cutting loose with your pals at a Friday night screening of "Scary Movie 4" while your parents are in a theater down the hall watching "The Devil Wears Prada"? Leave the diva-like behavior and drama-queen antics to the movie stars, not the movie reviewer, ya' rude-ass prick.

It makes me laugh to think that, had Joel stayed 'til the end (like any good critic would for any movie they're paid to watch), he would've seen that we weren't going where he seemed to think we were going. But apparently, Joel took a cue from his own "Poseiden" review, in which he wrote "Audiences today wouldn't stand for an hour of exposition before the flood hit. In fact, they wouldn't stand; they'd walk out." Well, Magnum (y'know - because of the mustache), I guess you're a member of that same audience that can't stand exposition.

Look, I don't hate the guy. Shit, I'm glad he survived his fairly recent bout with cancer. But his behavior in that screening was unconscionable and professionally unethical, not to mention childishly disruptive. And while I might get laughed at for saying this... well, I just expected more from Joel Siegel.

*sigh*
"

HAHaW

Magnum. HAW HAW HAW!

Kevin Smith is awesome.

I need to see Clerks 1. Thank God for college.

Rofl, his mustache IS a cum catcher.

ROFL @ Superman Reborn conference. "GIANT SPIDER!!!"

lol @ Some of the comments. Sounds like alot of them were written by Siegls Fan Club.

kevin smith a very funny man clerks 2 comes out tomorrow. but if you guys are fans of his you have to check out An Evening with Kevin Smith its 4 hours of Q&A at colleges its one of the funniest things ive ever seen.

Definitely, Gonz. Awesome insight into his world for sure.

Loved the stories about Superman and when he met his wife and got hit dick chafed on his zipper.

"fuck tim burton"

ifc is playing them.

the superman video was LOL

"you know why we are going to do good on superman? cause we get superman. we're from the streets!"

lol

http://www.viewaskew.com/kevin/joelsiegel.mp3

"HEY LOOK AT ME IM WALKING OUT OF THE MOVIE WITH MY MUSTACHE"

ahahahah this is brilliant!!!!!!!!!!

GIANT. SPIDER.
"Passion of the Christ Nails it". ROFL

any man who doesnt like donkey shows is no man I hold in high regard

sleeping:

go take a david lynch cumshot in the mouth

I love how we says he never makes puns, that someone else must write his headlines. Here's one from IN a title:
[quote:38d11]"Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest" is the best summer movie of the summer. And, of course, you know it's rated "Aargh!"[/quote:38d11]
[url:38d11]http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/JoelSiegel/story?id=2161463[/url:38d11]
I HAVE CALLED YOUR BLUFF, MUSTACHE MAN!

[quote="TGB!":8900f]but face fact. . .his movies stink. Badly.[/quote:8900f]
It must be fact, TGB said it.

spike lee is far superior, right, TGB?

is smiths films have any fault its that he cast ben affleck in too many of them

most people say his movies suck cause they dont get the nerdy humour in them. which it great. he said he rather show one of his flicks and have only 10 ten people laugh at any given joke cause they get it and the others dont.

[quote=strvs]It must be fact, TGB said it.[/quote:6bcda]i dont care much for the flix either.

[quote=Judas]i dont care much for the flix either.[/quote:a3f50]
Fair enough.. i'm just pointing out the fact tht TGB likes to treat his opinions like fact.

Edit:

[quote="TGB!":ea54a]Oh shut the fuck up you whining piece of euro-trash. "face facts" is a fucking turn of phrase. . .unclench your sphincter and get off your TGB!-HardOn™.[/quote:ea54a]
euro-trash lol

it's hip to be arguementive

I enjoy the movies. I'm not trying to be anything I'm not.

[quote="TGB!":7465f]KEVIN SMITH is a fucking hack. He made one good movie (CHASING AMY), one ok Comedy (JAY AND SILENT BOB) - and a bunch of other shit movies that are fawned over and fapped to by Internet Marks who dont want to seem uncool for dissing SILENT BOB - but face fact. . .his movies stink. Badly. He had the GEORGE LUCAS touch - great ideas, that are absolutely fucked over by his inability to translate it to the Big Screen.

SIEGEL may be a douche for his outburst, but SMITH is still a POS poser coasting on one movie he made over a decade ago.[/quote:7465f]

I thought Chasing Amy was fucking terrible.

[quote=lasagna]I thought Chasing Amy was fucking terrible.[/quote:3568a]

is that ur ass in ur sig? i would luv to see you shit

[quote=WidowMaker555]is that ur ass in ur sig? i would luv to see you shit[/quote:5b0f7]
those definately look like man hands...

I like his movies,
- Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back sucked ass
- Clerks was awsome
- I really liked Dogma ( a must see movie)
- Chasing Amy was a good movie
- Mallrats was a little meh

not everyone is going to like his stuff, theres no need for him to change his style.

i like how you didnt list Jersey Girl

ditto

[quote="[DAS REICH] Blitz":32200]ditto[/quote:32200]

rofl

[quote=WidowMaker555]rofl[/quote:669df]

Yep, thats my luscious ass.

never seen it, and i dont think i ever will biggrin:

Jersey Girl wasn't that bad. Had its moments.