Joke THread v. 28377668
 

Yea, tell jokes. Racism, dead babies, necrophilia, whatever.

A guy goes to the hospital and asks the doctor to perform a castartion surgery on him. Reluctantly, the doctor agrees. After the surgery, the guy wakes up with a big bandage all around his groin. He rides around te hospital in his wheelchair. He encounters another guy with a bandage around his groin. The second guy looks at him and says
"Circumcision?"
"OH SHIT! THATS THE WORD!!"

An older woman, around fifty, is about to be married for the third time. She wants to have a surgery so her husband can enjoy "the tightness of her youth". So before going in for the surgery, she shaves herself clean for the doctor to have a clean work area. When she woke up, there were three roses on her table. She asked the doctor who they were from.
"The first is from me, to thank you for shaving before coming in. The second is from your husband, for obvious reasons."
"Who is the third one from?"
"Thats from Mr. Anderson down the hall, thanking you for the enw ears."

There was a shipwreck, and 4 survivors landed on a deserted island. There was one woman and four men were on the island for five weeks before being rescued. The first week it was good, the second it was okay, the third week it was bad, the fourth week it was unbearable, and the fifth week they buried her.

stfu tubs

A blonde sits next to me on the bus this morning. She notices that I'm reading today's paper and asks me if she could have the front section, which I had finished reading.

Shocked that she could read, I gladly gave her the paper. After a few minutes, she lets out a horrified gasp.

"Oh my god, that's horrible," the blonde exclaims.
"What's horrible?", I ask.
"This story. 'Four Brazilian Soldiers Killed in Raid," she reads.
"Wow, that is pretty bad," I reply.
Looking puzzled she adds, "How many is a 'brazilian' anyway?"


Baaa-dum-KSSSHHH! biggrin:

hahaha

happy: happy: happy:

riffle

Jesse Jackson, while visiting a primary school class, found himself in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.
The teacher asks the Rev. Jackson if he would like to lead the discussion on the word "tragedy."
So the illustrious leader asks the class for an example of a "tragedy."
One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks him dead, that would be a tragedy.?

"No," says the Great Jesse Jackson, "that would be an accident."
A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone
inside, that would be a tragedy."

"I'm afraid not," explains the exalted spiritual leader.
"That's what we would call a great loss."

The room goes silent. No other children volunteer.

Rev.Jackson searches the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

Finally at the back of the room a small boy raises his hand. In a quiet voice he says: "If a plane
carrying the Rev. Jackson were struck by a missile and blown to smithereens that would be a
tragedy."

"Fantastic!" exclaims Jackson, "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?"
"Well," says the boy, "because it sure as hell wouldn't be a great loss, and it probably wouldn't be an accident either."

Butterz you suck at telling jokes. The punchline, "It sure as hell wouldnt be a great loss" needs to be at the end, after "it probably isnt an accident." Plus, that joke was funnier when it was Bill Clinton

Comatose, your jokes were awful.

I thought it was funny as hell.

I was standing in line at Subway getting ready to order a hero. Some dopey lady was in front of me ordering hers. The guy asks her if she wants the 6 inch or the foot long hero. Lady responds "How big is the foot long"?

I worked at Subway, Arkan. You have no idea of the litany of stupid lines I heard from customers.

annoy:

lool

Subway rock:

saw this at another site:



The husband had just finished reading the book,
>> 'MAN OF THE HOUSE'.
>>
>> He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up
>> to his wife.
>>
>> Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now
>> on, I want you to know that I am the man of this
>> house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare me
>> a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating
>> my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward.
>> Then, after dinner, you are going to draw me my bath
>> so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath,
>> guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"
>>
>> His wife replied, "The f**king funeral director
>> would be my guess?!"

"Can I get a half-inch assorted on white meat?"

I shit you not.

I ascertained that the woman wanted a 6-inch cold cut combo on white bread. rolleyes:

A man and a woman are sitting beside each other in the first class
section
of the plane, the woman sneezes, takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose
and
shudders quite violently in her seat. The man isn't sure why she is
shuddering and goes back to reading.


A few minutes pass.?The woman sneezes again.?She takes a tissue,
gently
wipes her nose and shudders quite violently in her seat.?The man is
becoming more and more curious about the shuddering.



A few more minutes pass. The woman sneezes yet again. She takes a
tissue,
gently wipes her nose and shudders quite violently again.



The man has finally had enough.?He turns to the woman and says, "Three
times you've sneezed and three times you've taken a tissue and wiped
your
nose then shuddered violently.?Are you sending me signals or are you
going
crazy?"



The woman replies, "I'm sorry if I disturbed you.?I have a rare
condition
and when I sneeze, I have an orgasm."



The man, now feeling a little embarrassed but even more curious says,
I've
never heard of that before. What are you taking for it?"



The woman looks at him and says, "Pepper."