"I don't need to f*BEEP*ing impress you."
"Quagmire: Hey there Gorgeous, how old are you?
Connie: 16.
Quagmire: 18?
Connie: Mom!
Quagmire: I Like where this is goin'!
"
"Tom Tucker: Because of an accident today at the Quahog cable company, all television transmission will be out for an undetermined amount of time. Of course, no one can see this news program, so it doesn't really matter what we say. I'm the lord Jesus Christ. I think I'll go get drunk and beat up some midgets, how about you, Diane?
Diane Simmons: Well, Tom, I just plain don't like black people. "
"Chris: Dad, what's the blow-hole for?
Peter: I'll tell you what it's not for, son. And when I do, you'll understand why I can never go back to Sea World.
"
"Quagmire (runs outside in a robe): Hey guys, what's going on? I was just jerki ... ed out of a deep sleep.
"
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