[Coleman]

I got this in my e-mail from a friend. It's pretty funny:

[quote:dd6c6]If only it could be!!!!!!!


WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR GEORGE W. BUSH OR JOHN
> KERRY GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH?
>
>
> My Fellow Americans:
> As you all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has been completed. Since
> congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission
> in Iraq is complete.
>
>
> This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American
> forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now
> to begin the reckoning.
>
> Before me, I have two lists One list contains the names of countries
> which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is
> short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are
> some of the countries listed there.
>
> The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the
> worlds nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing
> copies of both lists later this evening.
>
> Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those
> nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved
> during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the
> Iraqi war.
>
> The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world
> Hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.
>
> Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.
>
> In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this
> money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home.
> On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we
> will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face
> of the earth. Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or
> maybe China.
>
> To Israel and the Palestinian Authority. Yo, boys. Work out a peace deal
> now. Just note that Camp David is closed. Maybe all of you can go to
> Russia for negotiations. They have some great palaces there. Big tables,
> too. I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with
> France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are
> retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.
> I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many
> UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid
> parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded
> and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You
> creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets
> tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers, and limos be turned
> over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York.
>
> A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are
> likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to
> try not pissing us off for a change. Mexico is also on List 2. President
> Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude
> adjustment. I will have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions
> sitting around. Guess where I am going to put em? Yep, border security.
> So start doing something with your oil.
> Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty ---
> starting now.
>
> We are tired of the one-way highway.
>
> It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens.
> Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them be saying, "darn
> tootin."
>
> Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the
> world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on
> the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to
> eliminate homelessness in America. It is time to eliminate World Cup
> Soccer from America.
> To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you and
> we won't forget. To the nations on List 2, a final thought. Drop dead.
>
> God bless America.
> Thank you and good night.
>
> If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in
> English, thank a soldier.

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