F*ck Chuck Norris

Milla · **F*ck Chuck Norris -** 02-23-2006, 11:48 AM

Chuck Norris is tough, but Jack Bauer is tougher. Walker Texas Ranger never had to deal with Terrorist and get things done in 24 hours….or did he? Anyway, Jack Bauer is tough, and he is the new man with the Random Facts. Let’s enjoy this new meme together shall we?

1. If you wake up in the morning, it’s because Jack Bauer spared your life.

2. Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.

3. If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he’d shoot Nina twice.
4. Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.

5. Jack Bauer demands commercial breaks. Otherwise terrorists die too quickly.

6. Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.

7. Jack Bauer’s favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.

8. 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.

9. When Jack Bauer asks, “Who are you working for?,” it’s retorical. He knows who you’re working for. And he’s already killed them, too.

10.Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

11.Jack Bauer doesn’t miss. If he didn’t hit you it’s because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.

12.If you get 7 stars on your wanted level on Grand Theft Auto, Jack Bauer comes after you. You don’t want to get 7 stars.

13.When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.

14. Jack Bauer does not sleep. The only rest he needs is what he gets when he’s knocked out or temporarily killed.

15.If you are still conscious, it is because Jack Bauer doesn’t want to carry you.

16.Jack Bauer has no problem following orders, unless you tell him to do something he doesn’t want to.

17. Jack Bauer doesn’t get haircuts. He commands his hair to recede.

18. Jack Bauer can get McDonald’s breakfast after 11am

19. As a child, Jack Bauer’s first words were “There’s no time!”

20.While being ‘put under’ in the hospital, Jack Bauer can count backwards from 100 every time. This annoys the doctors.
21.Jack Bauer can watch all 4 seasons of 24 in 24 hours.

22.Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.

23. Bullet proof vests wear Jack Bauer for protection.

24. Killing Jack Bauer doesn’t make him dead. It just makes him angry.

25. Everytime Jack Bauer yells “NOW!” at the end of a sentence, a terrorist dies.

26. If Jack’s starring at someone and his eye twitches, assume that person has less than 15 minutes to live.

27. When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer fucking hates lemonade.
28.Guns dont kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.

29.David Spade always says ‘yes’ to Jack Bauer when he wants to redeem his credit card miles.

30.Don’t ask what Jack Bauer would do for a Klondike bar…

31. Jack Bauer doesn’t believe in France.

32. A policeman once pulled over Jack Bauer. Upon realizing his mistake the cop promptly arrested himself. Jack then shot him in the face anyways.

33. Jack Bauer wouldn’t need Mordor to destroy the ring.

34.If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12"

rock: