[Zoner]

Step 1: Don't put the turkey in the fucking fireplace.

Step 2: Take the plastic off the thawed bird and rinse it under cold water.

Step 3: Remove the bag of giblets and organs that may be inside the cavity

Step 4: Make a dressing consisting of bread crumbs, savoury, melted butter, chopped onion, and salt/pepper. Stuff the cavity of the bird with the dressing.

Step 5: Place bird in a large roasting pan and add about 1/2 inch of water to the bottom of the pan.

Step 6: Season the bird with rosemary, salt, pepper, basil, and garlic powder.

Step 7: Cover and place into a pre-heated 325-350 degree oven. Plan on having that bad boy in there for about 3-4 hours. A good guideline is 20 minutes per pound, plus 20 minutes.

Step 8: Baste the turkey every 30-45 mins with its own juices.

That's about it. Just keep an eye on it. If you notice it getting too dark on the breast, cover the breast with tinfoil.

Good luck.