LOL
I would reply with something like:

OK stupid, I have 5 easy steps for you:
1. turn off computer
2. unplug all conncetions
3. open nearest window
4. throw out computer
5. read a book until you are smart enough for the internet

jeezus christ! I know we're all sometimes guilty of being "unknown soldier" when a new game comes out (sometimes I just plain forget to put my name in until I realize my frags are "unknown soldier"), but to think that's someone's actual name take a special kind of stupid!