[Bleuachdu]

Powellgate 2003 Hacker or Not?

By ADAM LONG, Associated Press Contributer

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - In what appears to be the latest "gate" scandal, beloved and worshiped MPowell1944 has been accused of hacking and creating cheats. These accusations stem from new evidence linking Powell to both Osama Bin Laden and a well known hacking site.

When Powell's mother was reached for comment, she added a startling new spin on the situation. "I knew something was wrong with my son when he left me this note: 'Mom, warez my clean underwear?' I broke into tears. I thought that he was just into hacking!" Powell, 20, still lives in his parents basement. The recent surge in cheating may be linked to Powell, as he recently came off of a harsh 3 week grounding.

President Bush held a press conference this afternoon about the possibility of an attack on "Computirs and the Interweb." Bush plans on addressing the UN later this week about moving troops into the Silicon Valley. "The threat of hackers cannot be denied. Either you're with us or you're against us, we will not let Osama Bin Hacken ruin our webscreens. I, no We, will not stand for computer sponsored domestic terrorism." President Bush showed us his terrorist savvy by using terms like webscreen, an obvious al-Qaida codeword for the internet.

Powell claims to have an excellent reputation and is thought of as l337 by many of his closest friends. He could not be reached for comment, however he did send us this statement: " cool: "

The whole word seems disturbed by this new scandal. President Bill Clinton chimed in from his office in New York. "As some of you may know, I have had many sexual relations with Hacker1944. However, it was MPowell1944 that taped 3 of these encounters. I will be selling these tapes on eBay. Thank you." After this interview, Clinton offered to sell me one of the copies for $20.

It seems that MPowell1944 has been up to more than coding and scripting. MCI Worldcom announced yesterday that they will be pressing charges against Powell for insider trading and witholding information from the board of directors. Apparently Powell was posing as MCI's CFO from 1999-2001. His departure seems to be linked with the release of Medal of Honor: Allied Assault.

Montgomery County Police Chief Charles Moose also thinks that MPowell may be linked to the recent DC area sniper shootings. We feel that Powell may have given the shooter a wallhack. The FBI is looking into this further.