[ED]

Here's the first bit from HOW TO SHIT IN OTHER PLACES THAN YOUR TOILET:

[quote:19d2d]TITLE PLACARD:

THE ED! SERIES PRESENTS!

Fade In:

VOICE: (oc)
(grunting)

FX: Wet sound, like a whoopee cushions air being let out.

From the top of the screen, that familiar brown substance slowly drops down as the grunting from off-camera continues. It cuts off, and falls to the ground off-camera. Camera tilts up, and we see spelled out neatly in DOOKIE in a toilet in a pool of piss –

TITLE PLACARD:
HOW TO SHIT IN PLACES OTHER THAN YOUR TOILET!

ED!’s floating head buzzes over the dookie, and faces front.

ED:
Howdy there campers.
[sniffs dookie]
Woo-wee! That is one foul smelling pile. But we cant hold it against the fella, when you gots ta go, you GOTS ta go. Unfortunately you aint always got access to a pearl throne, so you’ve got to improvise on the fly! That’s what we’re here to help you with today.

A bum walks from the right of the screen.

ED:
This here is my good friend Joe The Bum.

BJ:
HI.

ED:
BJ here is a professional shitter. He’s taken dumps in some wild and wacky places over his time. He’s even taken dumps in a Vietnam jungle, with Charlie closing in on his position.

BJ:
I was a heavy weapons expert in my platoon. Good with a bazooka too.

ED:
Bazookas huh? So we can just call you BAZOOKA JOE then. Well all right!

BJ:
Used to be a fella could squat and handle his god made business in peace, but now we’ve got Johnny Lawman trying to regulate we’re a former Vietnam vet can poo. So, just like in Vietnam fighting the Slanty Eye Brigade, yeh gots to be crafty. And I'm gonna shows ya how[/quote:19d2d]