Step 1: Don't put the turkey in the fucking fireplace.
Step 2: Take the plastic off the thawed bird and rinse it under cold water.
Step 3: Remove the bag of giblets and organs that may be inside the cavity
Step 4: Make a dressing consisting of bread crumbs, savoury, melted butter, chopped onion, and salt/pepper. Stuff the cavity of the bird with the dressing.
Step 5: Place bird in a large roasting pan and add about 1/2 inch of water to the bottom of the pan.
Step 6: Season the bird with rosemary, salt, pepper, basil, and garlic powder.
Step 7: Cover and place into a pre-heated 325-350 degree oven. Plan on having that bad boy in there for about 3-4 hours. A good guideline is 20 minutes per pound, plus 20 minutes.
Step 8: Baste the turkey every 30-45 mins with its own juices.
That's about it. Just keep an eye on it. If you notice it getting too dark on the breast, cover the breast with tinfoil.