[Doctor Duffy]

NEW YORK - "In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only trying to retrieve the gerbil," Duffy told bemused doctors in the Severe Burns Unit of New York Hospital. Duffy, and homosexual partner "Kiki", had been admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong. "I pushed a cardboard tube up the rectum and slipped Ragnar , our gerbil, in," explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted out "Armageddon", my cue that Kiki had enough. I tried to retrieve Ragnar but he wouldn't come out again, so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him."